April 2010
1 post
December 2009
4 posts
6 tags
TEXTalyzer
The legal limit for texting&driving should be 140 characters.
3 tags
Use it while you can!
I wonder if due to advances in technology the dance move “the robot” will no longer exist. What if robots begin to use fluid movements and becoming rather good dancers. I bet robots are actually practicing right now, and one day will reveal to us their talent. After years of ridicule and mockery they will be superior on the dance floor.
in a better place...
so i guess the phrase “in a better place” has been reserved for death. here lies a scenario where technically the phrase would work but due to this connotation, wouldn’t be advised to use. (A Nursing Home) Women: Hi, I looked inside my mothers room but I don’t see her. Where is she? Nurse: She’s in a better place. Women: what?!? mom!!!! Nurse: you can go down...
Uh Oh
Thing you don’t want to hear on an airplane: Pilot: During todays flight feel free to follow me on Twitter to keep you updated on the current flight status!
November 2009
2 posts
txting havoc
I changed my lady friend’s signature on her phone to “or maybe not”.
This resulted in confusion.
*Example:
Person A: are you going to the game?
Tessa (Victim): yes or maybe not
Person A: huh…well let me know if your going for sure
Tessa (Victim): i will or maybe not
tehehe
*Paraphrased
FML or MLIA?
Shakespeare once said, “FML or MLIA, Ah, there’s the rub!”
The age old question of whether to end our Facebook statuses with FML or with MLIA has haunted many for centuries years months weeks. While pondering this myself, I have decided that the answer to this question can be determined by ones geographic location.
Example 1: (Fort Wayne, Indiana) Today, My parents are...
October 2009
2 posts
Wreckfull Driving
The person who came up with the legal term reckless driving is a tard. I mean, shouldn’t it be considered a good thing to be reck”less”. And besides that, he couldn’t spell either. I mean seriously… “reck”???
I know, I know, someone is going to read this and be all like “Silly Paul, don’t you know anything, “reck” is a word...
Kate Perry's not so famous hit
I Kissed A Girl and It Really Just Wasn’t For Me.
September 2009
15 posts
at the luers award ceremony… Devin: “I think they should change the name of the award from Perfect Attendance to Best Immune System” I’m going to keep this blog to my jokes, but I think this is too funny to not share.
I wonder if T-Pain started taking Oxycontin he would start using the name “T”
I agree with No Child Left Behind. Especially on field trips.
I’m going to put cheeseburgers on my teeth and call it a George Forman GRILL.
How to make a strobe light. (1) Attach “the clapper” to a lamp. (2)Have a 2nd grade class count sylables.
My microwave maxes out at 99 minutes. Poor peeps.
TaylorSwiftitous: origanting in the US. symptoms include singing along with the radio and displaying a cheesy smile whenever a song of hers is played. If the disease worsens to the degree in which one finds oneself saying “i can totally relate” with any of her songs, immediately contact a physician. Applying a warm washcloth to the forehead and taking an oatmeal bath have been said to...
Taylorswiftfanobia: the rational fear that for some reason, one is turning into a fan of Taylor Swift *seeTaylorSwiftitous.
I want to have a manager at a clothing store named “Pie”…So when a customer asks me a question that I don’t know the answer to, I can say, “Hmmmm, I’m uncertain, let me go get Pie”. The costumer will be all like “really?!?, I have a quesetion and your going to leave me here and get pie, for realz” but really they are thinking, “..i wonder...
So I’ve decided that if I ever decide to get into the “mugging” business my catch phrase is going to be “are we playing Checkers, because you just got jumped!!!”sure they are going to be disappointed they lost their iPhone an…d Rolex but they have to appreciate the wit.I might even hire an actor who will be in the area and after I run away will look over at the...
having mono is like having a super-power, the power of getting others sick.
I want to live in Alaska so I can go to a drive-in movie at noon.
Chuck Norris Fact: Chuck Norris can sell more OxiClean via telegraph then Billy Mayes can on TV.